July 20, 2011

Acceptance.

  Trying to stand out in a a crowd that just wants to fit in, is rather difficult, if you ask me. It's okay though, I was there once. Unsure of my purpose in life, confused on who I will turn out to be. Ya' know.. the basics.
  I was always that cute, curly-haired fat kid. Looking back on the pictures, I used to hate them. Making fun of yourself is NOT acceptable. However, I was fond of that. From my appearance, to the characteristics that make me, me. I was shy as a clam! Cheesy metaphor, I know. Looking back, why the hell should any little girl be insecure with herself!? Nobody is perfect, but why did that little girl thrive to be? Only God knows that.
  Back to my weight. I might have been 12 by the time I could fit into my mom's clothing. Not okay. I still can, and sometimes her outfits are too small. Which disappoints me. Does this mean I looked down on myself? Did I start to hate my body for what it was? Honestly, no. I did neither of those things. Not only did I learn to live with the way I look, but I liked what I saw in the mirror. No, I don't have a beatiful, full butt like other girls. No, I don't have the long perfect hair.. or the skinny mid-section. Uh-uh. I saw ME. And guess what? I was completely okay with it. Ladies & Gents, it's called acceptance. I still know it wouldn't hurt to lose a few pounds.. But if God wanted me to look any different, I would look different.
  And another thing, when I was little, I developed a sweating problem. No, not my armpits.. those are fine. I'm reffering to my palms, and my feet. After many doctor's appointments and medication type stuff, there really isn't anything I can do to get rid of it. It's a hereditary thing that my mom grew out of when she was 25. So now, i'm just waiting for the day where my sweating calms down. Until then.. what's the word? Oh, yeah.. acceptance. I'm very familiar with that word. But that's okay.. it's better than complaining about every single imperfection in my life. My hand & feet sweating might sound a little weird and gross to you. Honestly, it is. It limits some of the things I choose to do and not to do. A big thing is boys. Yes, teenage girls like boys! Haha, i'm just scared for that time I can hold the hand of one and not feel uncomfortable. Another difficulty is when you meet new people. Mostly talking about my parents friends, like when I have to shake their hand to be polite.. but my hands constantly sweat. It's whatever to me, now..
  I'm an intelligant person, and a great people reader. Meaning I get it if you don't like me. I also have a great judge of character, whether you feel self-concious about yourself or not. Most of the time it comes natural. With that being said, don't try and take advantage of me because I sometimes seek attention. I deserve it, I think. But that is up to you.
  Stay strong. Learn to accept yourself, and the people around you. <3

A new start..

Change is like an ocean. Think of your emotions as the waves. Your life is the beautiful shore, sometimes your emotions take over your life and rattle everything out of balance. My ocean? My ocean has many waves... they come and go. Some good, some bad, besides the point. If you let the currant take over your sand, your beach will be nothing. And you can no longer be enjoyed by the tourist who love you the most. Imply the tourist as people. Wether old or new, doesn't matter. Give em' a chance.
Everyday is a struggle. Don't take it for granted and just assume it will come again. Take care of yourselves. Do what you have to do to make relationships. Friendly, or on a deeper level. It's important to know the right people.
Love you all! <3